When I think about dying…

Hello there, beautiful soul.

I hope you’re doing well. I’m having one of those moments where you remember just how short and precious our time is here. I get a little nervous when I’m not feeling well for a while, since there’s no clear explanation for what’s causing some of my issues, besides stress. But the thought is mainly brought to mind today by a show I’m watching, where a woman, who decided not to get surgery, and to let cancer take her, was writing a bucket list… with such grace, and honesty.

I used to think about the temporary nature of life a lot more in high school than I have recently, but it’s definitely coming to mind more often, and I feel it immensely. It’s like I’m watching my life from its end, looking back on today, and all the years before it.

I decided to write a list from those tears, and I felt it would be more personal and honest than the usual goals that I write out of a need to change the world through acts of survival. What do I really want outside of that? I analyzed it later. Initially, my instincts just poured, through my shaking.

Before Jen Dies

Please help her to

Ride a horse

Spin wool

See an aurora

Fall in love

Stay in love

Give her mom $5,000

Snuggle a kitten

Make her own wedding dress

Give Niki a home

Make a new good friend

Share her heart with the world

Feel beautiful

Be kind and compassionate

Be strong and sovereign

Touch moss

Make love in the forest

Dance with reckless abandon

Grow love in vegetables and flowers

Feel truly at home

If you didn’t have long, and didn’t know how long, what would you truly desire? What would be the things you’d wish for when you thought it might be too late?

Riding a horse surprised me. I guess we want pretty different things when coming from different states of mind. But everything else seemed like they fit perfectly.

A couple that almost made the list were eating chocolate, and listening to the Backstreet Boys with my sister. “Huley Hooping” with my niece belongs on there too. Hearing gramma tell stories from the world long before I was born. Sharing a campfire with good company. If I could choose how I wanted to die, it would be in my sleep (like my dad..) and after a night of nostalgic conversation around a campfire. With my family, or someone just as close.

Cherish these precious opportunities. We haven’t always got the strength, or the focus… but try to fit these special moments into the daily struggle of gathering what’s needed to stay alive. Because otherwise, what’s the point of any of it?

Be well, and be strong. You are sovereign, and worthy beyond measure.

All my love, truly,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

Aquarian Goddess - When I