When I think about dying…

Hello there, beautiful soul.

I hope you’re doing well. I’m having one of those moments where you remember just how short and precious our time is here. I get a little nervous when I’m not feeling well for a while, since there’s no clear explanation for what’s causing some of my issues, besides stress. But the thought is mainly brought to mind today by a show I’m watching, where a woman, who decided not to get surgery, and to let cancer take her, was writing a bucket list… with such grace, and honesty.

I used to think about the temporary nature of life a lot more in high school than I have recently, but it’s definitely coming to mind more often, and I feel it immensely. It’s like I’m watching my life from its end, looking back on today, and all the years before it.

I decided to write a list from those tears, and I felt it would be more personal and honest than the usual goals that I write out of a need to change the world through acts of survival. What do I really want outside of that? I analyzed it later. Initially, my instincts just poured, through my shaking.

Before Jen Dies

Please help her to

Ride a horse

Spin wool

See an aurora

Fall in love

Stay in love

Give her mom $5,000

Snuggle a kitten

Make her own wedding dress

Give Niki a home

Make a new good friend

Share her heart with the world

Feel beautiful

Be kind and compassionate

Be strong and sovereign

Touch moss

Make love in the forest

Dance with reckless abandon

Grow love in vegetables and flowers

Feel truly at home

If you didn’t have long, and didn’t know how long, what would you truly desire? What would be the things you’d wish for when you thought it might be too late?

Riding a horse surprised me. I guess we want pretty different things when coming from different states of mind. But everything else seemed like they fit perfectly.

A couple that almost made the list were eating chocolate, and listening to the Backstreet Boys with my sister. “Huley Hooping” with my niece belongs on there too. Hearing gramma tell stories from the world long before I was born. Sharing a campfire with good company. If I could choose how I wanted to die, it would be in my sleep (like my dad..) and after a night of nostalgic conversation around a campfire. With my family, or someone just as close.

Cherish these precious opportunities. We haven’t always got the strength, or the focus… but try to fit these special moments into the daily struggle of gathering what’s needed to stay alive. Because otherwise, what’s the point of any of it?

Be well, and be strong. You are sovereign, and worthy beyond measure.

All my love, truly,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

Aquarian Goddess - When I

Who brings out YOU?

Today, let’s talk about influence, identity, and most importantly, you.

Personally, I’m very aware that we are all walking tuning forks and chameleons, soaking up and emitting the gist of our surroundings.

We walk around picking up mannerisms, preferences, habits of thought, and through this natural phenomenon, our individual truths get smushed into different shapes for a while, until we realize it through being shown the striking contrast, usually in a rather dramatic “I don’t even recognize myself anymore!” kind of upheaval.

We’re often drawn to people who remind us of ourselves, or others we’ve felt comfortable with in the past. It’s only natural, since the person feels familiar, and we’ve created a habit of being open to that specific energy in our lives. This is good, as long as we have a healthy filter so that we don’t end up repeating mistakes of opening to someone who has qualities that are damaging.

We also have a tendency to seek out those who have qualities that we’d like to embody ourselves, and while this is healthy when done in a balanced way that keeps your truths and core values intact (while unconditionally loving ourselves along the way), it’s an image of a future self that is always under construction and usually not someone we identify as just yet, so we’ll often tweak ourselves to match the template of how THIS person got closer to where we’d like to be, and can get a bit lost in that.

The third kind of person is the real game-changer. Every now and then, you’ll meet a person who brings out YOU. They are the rare gems who just naturally bring us into a comfortable state of self-expression and feeling good in our own skins.

They may or may not be walking a similar path, they may or may not seem particularly inspiring, but that’s not what makes them so inexplicably enjoyable. You’ll know who they are because they’re not just like you, or like your ideal image of who you want to become. You’re not just picking up on qualities that you share, like you would with a mirror. They’re genuinely THEM and that energy supports you being you.

These are my favorite kinds of people. While you have a lot in common, you get really geeked about how THEM their outfit, or their art, or their way of living is. And they wanna know what makes you you. They appreciate the shit out of your unique expression, and their energy naturally directs you towards INNER expression from your core, rather than ideals and constructs and values of theirs, or society’s.

I’ve lucked out to have a couple friends like that over my lifetime. They’re the ones who you just keep a special place in your life for, who keep a special place for you in theirs.

Pay attention to these people, the ones whose unique energy supports you being what you are. This type of connection is SO life-giving, in that it releases us from the usual pressure we feel to conform to our surroundings, or our ideals, in a sea of expectation and being on guard.

Choose to surround yourself with the people who are amazed by your natural way of being, who encourage you and make you feel proud of who you are.

Give yourself the full permission to be uninhibitedly you. And those who suit you, your projects, and your personality will be able to see you, and be a part of your wonderfully unique life.

Who we naturally are is PERFECTLY suited to our purpose, and as long as we put our genuine hearts and wills out into the world every day, we WILL create the lives we’ve been dreaming of. It’s only a matter of consistent, authentic, soul-inspired action, as we go forward through time.

And if you need a friend or a helping hand along the way, you know I’ve got you, Goddess to Goddess.

All my love,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

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