How to Stop Settling | You Deserve More

3 Keys to the Better Life You Deserve


You deserve more.  I’m gonna put it bluntly, because it’s true.

You work hard, you do your self-work, you make a point of helping others.

Believe it or not, you are worthy of great things.

But a lot of the time, because of the challenges, or our conditioning, we refuse to believe it.

It’s time to take a closer look. Be honest with yourself. This is a lot farther than you were, but it’s not what you were dreaming of. There’s pieces missing that you’ve been hesitant to believe are possible to change for you.

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Where are you settling in life?

Do you feel loved and appreciated by the people you’ve chosen to surround yourself with?

Is your home beautiful and organized, and full of loving energy?

Are you pursuing your passion daily and seeing the rewards?

Are you feeling connection with your spirit and a clear sense of direction more often than not?

Do you have enough fun, and free time?

Do you have as much money as you’d like to?

Do you feel good about yourself, the way you move through the world, and your accomplishments?

Are you relaxed, energized, and healthy?

Are you expanding your mind, your skills, and getting creative?

 

If any of these questions gave you a shrinking feeling or made you laugh as if it were silly to expect that to happen for you… girl, you’re settling for less than you deserve.

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There are three main components that come into play.

 

 

Worthiness

First and foremost, you’re not going to take any actions to give yourself what you deserve if you don’t believe you’re worth the effort, or can let yourself accept your prizes with open appreciation.

You’ve got to remember that nobody in the world has been, or ever will be, perfect. Our “perfection” lies in our divine essence, our unique qualities, and our ability to grow and change. The most powerful transformation comes from our ability to let go of the past and move forward, and our ability to see the beauty in the hidden places in life, including in the parts of ourselves we’ve been rejecting for years.

What is it that makes you feel unworthy?

Usually it stems from ways that someone else has judged us in the past, or a way that we tend to judge the world around us.

Do you feel like you’re not worthy of unconditional love because you’ve made this mistake or that mistake and never forgiven yourself? Or maybe because of the ridiculous beauty standards shoved down our throats since childhood making us questiong our inherent lovability?

Do you feel crappy about where you’re at in life because someone (maybe even yourself) told you it wasn’t good enough for the age you are right now? Instead of encouraging you to appreciate your accomplishments and reminding you that you’re capable of anything, and helping you come up with a game plant to get to where you really want to be?

Do you just not prioritize your own worth because you’re so busy taking care of everyone else, that you’re too afraid to admit how badly you need to rest and do things for you, because if you stopped, everything would fall apart? And then you’d feel super guilty about it?

Firstly, whether your lack of prioritizing your worth is one of these, or something unique to you, you are NOT alone.

We all have some level of challenge when it comes to believing we can do this or that it’s even acceptable for use, because we’re not used to thinking we deserve it.

Our subconscious minds are filled with judgements from the people we were surrounded by when we were growing up, and these things tend to stick with us, hidden in the depths, secretly influencing what we believe about our abilities and our worth.

If you imagine yourself with a million dollars that you just earned from doing something really easy and aligned with your purpose, engaged to some otherworldly-level-of-gorgeous person who’s also super intelligent… walking into to your family’s holiday dinner, or a room full of people you went to high school with, I bet all kinds of uncomfortable scenarios start to form in your head.

This guy will be judging you out of jealousy, someone else will be judging you because they think you’re probably some kind of a fake, because they believe rich people are all just selfish jerks and con-artists. Someone else will be judging that there’s no way the relationship will last, coming up with every reason they can make up on the spot, because they feel insecure about not having attracted someone so impressive in their own life.

Our own inner judgements and insecurities about ourselves talk the same way when we start to think about the things we really want in life. And since we’ve got to believe we deserve these wonderful things in order to pursue them without giving up, it’s our job to figure out which ones we’re struggling with, and see the truth behind the judgement or lie. And the truth is always that we’re good enough, we’re lovable, we’re worthy, and we’re free to change our situation.

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Boundaries

So, once we’ve got the ide of which limiting belief we’re here to reprogram so that we can stop settling and start improving our lives, the next step is to draw a very clear line between what is acceptable and what is not.

Now, depending on what it is that you’re changing, it can look like a few different things, but it’s always going to include saying “yes” to what you’re worthy of and saying “no” to settling.
Wear the nice outfit in the back of your closet that you worry about getting dirty, so that you can feel gorgeous and abundant and magnificent.

Say no to the offer that is going to stress you out and make you feel like you’re contradicting what’s right for you.

Say YES to the opportunities that scare you, that feel risky and just beyond your reach.

Say HELL YES to the big move you’re not sure is safe to take.

Be smart, be practical, absolutely, but start DOING it!
In relationships, friendships, and partnerships, if you’re being disrespected, give an ultimatum, with a timeframe. If it’s not met, you deserve better, and you should leave. Or if it’s a really strong disrespect, just leave, girl.

If you feel stuck in a job that’s not what you actually care about and you’re miserable there, refuse to let yourself stay there any longer than you have to. Start looking for, or creating a better career for yourself, and truly dedicate yourself to it.

What you do for a living is what you spend the most hours of your life on. If you want to spend most of the hours of your life doing something more meaningful, than take it absolutely seriously, because it’s one of the most important changes you’ll ever make. Invest your time, your money, your energy, and your soul into making it real. What is it that you’d do in the world, that helps make it a better place every day, if you didn’t have to worry about money? That will give you a first glimpse into what will make you happier.

There’s no reason to be scared. There are always going to be more people, and more opportunities that are healthier for you, and more fulfilling, but you have to make room in your life for them.

Setting clear boundaries doesn’t just tell you, and also your subconscious mind, what you’re done with. It also tells the Universe. When you make it clear through your words and your actions that you are done with something in your life, whether it’s disrespect, being under-appreciated, or overworked, the Universe takes a note of that, and starts to close the doors to those energies, and open their opposites for you to stride proudly into.


Discipline (Dedication)

Ahhhh, discipline. That old friend lurking in the corner ready to smack you with a ruler if you get out of line. No, I’m just kidding. Don’t get discouraged, I’ve got something up my sleeve for ya.

That old method of crackin’ the whip may work for some people, but for me, it’s easier to work with myself, and use encouragement and goals to keep me sticking to my plan.

Discipline is one of those things in life that’s like a muscle. Even if you’ve always sucked with self-discipline (and I say this from experience, so trust me here) by taking baby-steps and working WITH yourself, you can see improvements faster than you’d expect to.

I used to be WILDLY undisciplined. Really, though. I’ve always been a wild-child, free-spirit, ethereal creature, and gypsy soul at heart. I would regularly tell time and space to suck it (and still do) but I hadn’t realized, until hitting age 29 and realizing I’d been putting off all the work I didn’t “feel like” doing towards my lofty business aspirations for literally a decade

During the majority of my 20s, although it was an absolutely beautiful journey full of potent transformation, I was caught up in a common pitfall of “law of attraction & lightworker types”… which is to accidentally get ungrounded, by following the “path of least resistance” and high vibrations and ease, instead of feeling into the path of your true calling, and grounding your soul fully, strengthening through the challenges that it comes with.

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It was then that I saw just how much I was holding myself back by not fully embracing my inner authority over my own life. I’ll be honest, it’s been very challenging for me, because I’d never done it before! But, regardless of that, I’ve made amazing progress, and it’s all thanks to redefining discipline as dedication, and taking baby steps to make things easy to integrate a little bit at a time.

I find that this works with my clients too. Every week we’ll have one main action step to take, to move them closer to their goal. It’s the one action that reminds them how dedicated they are to their path, their purpose, their improvement, and grounds it into the rhythm of their life right now, as a new steady beat coming from the heart of their soul. And because it was just one task (two if they’re really on fire) it’s manageable.

It’s still challenging, because it’s something new, it’s something important, and, since it came up in a coaching session, it’s something they’re struggling with. But, they’ve also got backup, through being reminded of WHY they’re doing this. When they feel stuck or frustrated, they’ll send me a message for that extra boost, that reminder that they decided they’re done settling for less than they deserve, and help them push through it. But we all also have the ability to be our own reminder.

The mantra that came to me this week is very simple and is working really well for me.

Just finish the sentence with what’s relevant to what you’re committed to doing in the moment.

 

“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who…”

When you’re not feeling strong in a confrontation, tell yourself:
“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who …says no to disrespect.”

Deciding what to wear to get out of couch-potato mode and feel fancy (hahaha!):
“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who …is beautiful and well groomed and decorated.”

Struggling to get yourself to work out, or choose healthy foods:
“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who …has a healthy body.”

Struggling to get yourself to do the tasks needed to create a business out of your passion:
“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who …runs a successful business that helps people.”

Struggling to let yourself take a break when you desperately need one:
“I deserve to be a disciplined woman who… values herself and her well-being.”


These three keys, when put together, will help you to stop settling, and let yourself have the wonderful life you truly deserve.

You’re a good person, you’ve got a massive heart, and I’m looking forward to seeing you dedicating yourself to being truly fulfilled and nourished, because I’ve got a feeling it’s a long time comin’.


 

What are you feeling, as you’ve been reading this, that you’re opening up to letting yourself believe you deserve, and dedicating yourself to making happen?

Looking to dig a little deeper, and have real, grounded support to help get you through?  

Learn more about the coaching and energy work that I offer


to assist you through this journey of grounding your soul,


so that you can feel more fulfillment, satisfaction, and freedom

every single day.

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When I think about dying…

Hello there, beautiful soul.

I hope you’re doing well. I’m having one of those moments where you remember just how short and precious our time is here. I get a little nervous when I’m not feeling well for a while, since there’s no clear explanation for what’s causing some of my issues, besides stress. But the thought is mainly brought to mind today by a show I’m watching, where a woman, who decided not to get surgery, and to let cancer take her, was writing a bucket list… with such grace, and honesty.

I used to think about the temporary nature of life a lot more in high school than I have recently, but it’s definitely coming to mind more often, and I feel it immensely. It’s like I’m watching my life from its end, looking back on today, and all the years before it.

I decided to write a list from those tears, and I felt it would be more personal and honest than the usual goals that I write out of a need to change the world through acts of survival. What do I really want outside of that? I analyzed it later. Initially, my instincts just poured, through my shaking.

Before Jen Dies

Please help her to

Ride a horse

Spin wool

See an aurora

Fall in love

Stay in love

Give her mom $5,000

Snuggle a kitten

Make her own wedding dress

Give Niki a home

Make a new good friend

Share her heart with the world

Feel beautiful

Be kind and compassionate

Be strong and sovereign

Touch moss

Make love in the forest

Dance with reckless abandon

Grow love in vegetables and flowers

Feel truly at home

If you didn’t have long, and didn’t know how long, what would you truly desire? What would be the things you’d wish for when you thought it might be too late?

Riding a horse surprised me. I guess we want pretty different things when coming from different states of mind. But everything else seemed like they fit perfectly.

A couple that almost made the list were eating chocolate, and listening to the Backstreet Boys with my sister. “Huley Hooping” with my niece belongs on there too. Hearing gramma tell stories from the world long before I was born. Sharing a campfire with good company. If I could choose how I wanted to die, it would be in my sleep (like my dad..) and after a night of nostalgic conversation around a campfire. With my family, or someone just as close.

Cherish these precious opportunities. We haven’t always got the strength, or the focus… but try to fit these special moments into the daily struggle of gathering what’s needed to stay alive. Because otherwise, what’s the point of any of it?

Be well, and be strong. You are sovereign, and worthy beyond measure.

All my love, truly,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

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Who brings out YOU?

Today, let’s talk about influence, identity, and most importantly, you.

Personally, I’m very aware that we are all walking tuning forks and chameleons, soaking up and emitting the gist of our surroundings.

We walk around picking up mannerisms, preferences, habits of thought, and through this natural phenomenon, our individual truths get smushed into different shapes for a while, until we realize it through being shown the striking contrast, usually in a rather dramatic “I don’t even recognize myself anymore!” kind of upheaval.

We’re often drawn to people who remind us of ourselves, or others we’ve felt comfortable with in the past. It’s only natural, since the person feels familiar, and we’ve created a habit of being open to that specific energy in our lives. This is good, as long as we have a healthy filter so that we don’t end up repeating mistakes of opening to someone who has qualities that are damaging.

We also have a tendency to seek out those who have qualities that we’d like to embody ourselves, and while this is healthy when done in a balanced way that keeps your truths and core values intact (while unconditionally loving ourselves along the way), it’s an image of a future self that is always under construction and usually not someone we identify as just yet, so we’ll often tweak ourselves to match the template of how THIS person got closer to where we’d like to be, and can get a bit lost in that.

The third kind of person is the real game-changer. Every now and then, you’ll meet a person who brings out YOU. They are the rare gems who just naturally bring us into a comfortable state of self-expression and feeling good in our own skins.

They may or may not be walking a similar path, they may or may not seem particularly inspiring, but that’s not what makes them so inexplicably enjoyable. You’ll know who they are because they’re not just like you, or like your ideal image of who you want to become. You’re not just picking up on qualities that you share, like you would with a mirror. They’re genuinely THEM and that energy supports you being you.

These are my favorite kinds of people. While you have a lot in common, you get really geeked about how THEM their outfit, or their art, or their way of living is. And they wanna know what makes you you. They appreciate the shit out of your unique expression, and their energy naturally directs you towards INNER expression from your core, rather than ideals and constructs and values of theirs, or society’s.

I’ve lucked out to have a couple friends like that over my lifetime. They’re the ones who you just keep a special place in your life for, who keep a special place for you in theirs.

Pay attention to these people, the ones whose unique energy supports you being what you are. This type of connection is SO life-giving, in that it releases us from the usual pressure we feel to conform to our surroundings, or our ideals, in a sea of expectation and being on guard.

Choose to surround yourself with the people who are amazed by your natural way of being, who encourage you and make you feel proud of who you are.

Give yourself the full permission to be uninhibitedly you. And those who suit you, your projects, and your personality will be able to see you, and be a part of your wonderfully unique life.

Who we naturally are is PERFECTLY suited to our purpose, and as long as we put our genuine hearts and wills out into the world every day, we WILL create the lives we’ve been dreaming of. It’s only a matter of consistent, authentic, soul-inspired action, as we go forward through time.

And if you need a friend or a helping hand along the way, you know I’ve got you, Goddess to Goddess.

All my love,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

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Moonstone Magick

I haven’t talked a lot about my experience with crystals, but our bond runs bone deep. For me, they are partners, with whom I work on specific projects, for the greatest and highest good of All, as well as vibe adjustors (and amplifiers, concentrators, directors.. you know the drill) for my field, my space, or my manifestation and healing grids.

Jewelry, for me, almost always has a designated purpose, and is more of an amulet or talisman in my mind, from the moment we meet. I’ll feel its cocreative purpose with me, and will program it solidly with that intention, and feel how its function radiates out into life.

This year, Moonstone has made her way into so many corners of my experience. I’ve always had a soft spot for her dreamy mystique, and her soothing demeanor, but this year, life has strewn her across my path like glimmering breadcrumbs, lighting my way as I meld with the Goddess within.

It began in the most mundane of ways (doesn’t it always) as I scrolled listlessly through instagram. My eye was caught by a image from Moonstone Magic. I couldn’t look away. Hands dripping with gorgeous gemstones… I was practically drooling over the multitude of luminous adornments, and felt drawn to bring a ring into my life.

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I browsed.. and I felt it out. One of them reached to me, with her full spherical womb, and her sacred crescent, all contained in a delicate form. She was just like me, this silver ring. I saw the way her energy opened me to the Divine, and connected me to my priestess essence, honoring the Goddess and her Moon. This ring would be a symbol, and an amplifier of this connection. And so it was.

When it first arrived, in its soft, silvery pouch, and the light hit it, I was mesmerized by its otherworldly blue light. I could feel that this pairing was destined.

I delicately slipped the ring onto my left index finger, a point of both receptive and directive of energy. A sensation trickled up my arm, like tiny glistening streams of glowing life-force were swimming up and through me. I smiled and felt at peace.

The second moonstone to reach me this year was in a moon-themed Goddess Provisions box. One of my favorite things about crystals is that no two stones of the same type have the same personality. This stone, while flecked with black tourmaline, held a presence of wisdom and gentle strength. This one follows me, in a pouch in my purse, centering me whilst I am out and about, and helping me out with my writing.

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The third was synchronistically gifted to me, just as I completed my journey through the opening ceremony of the Priestess Presence Temple’s Sacred Library. A goddess pendant with a luminous moonstone womb, handcrafted, and originating in Glastonbury, known for its proximity to Avalon. For now, she is gracing my altar, and while I feel drawn to wear her, my sovereignty in alignment with the Goddess is still increasing to the point where it will be time for that. She is the strongest, and most potent symbol and magickal tool connecting me with the Goddess, particularly the Great Mother face of the Goddess, and her natural instinctual behaviors that hold space for, create, and nurture life, all from within the holy vessel that she is. What a miracle, to embody that.

The fourth is more playful. Another gift, given by Moonstone Magic herself, that I might share her story. This is the pendant that awakens my inner faerie, and is dedicated to strengthening my connection to the faerie realms. Delicate and whimsical, filled with reflections that release me into my wise and childlike form of elegance, she smiles me from the inside out, and expresses the personality of my soul in a way that makes it easy for others to see.

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The moral of the story is that moonstone is magic, and no two are alike, despite appearances. Any stone, or piece of jewelry can become an amulet of sacred power, and there is infinite potential to what we can do. Feel free to message me your stories. Which stones call to you, and how do you experience their energy?

And, as always, I walk alongside you, Goddess to Goddess.

From the infinite depths of Spirit’s presence,

Aquarian Goddess Jen

An alternative perspective on: Why you aren’t where you’d like to be

1. There’s a bigger picture.

What you’re wanting might be one small piece of a puzzle that will change your whole life years from now. Diving deeply into creating, or teaching, or immersing yourself in one path might prevent you from a whole variety of world views or experiences that transform you in ways that you can hardly begin to imagine yourself to be. Everything is temporary. Just like the 80s, and the lifespan of your favorite cat, things will always complete a cycle and become something new with the passing of time.

Your current experience of spirituality will evolve as new ideas reach you. Your entire outlook is likely only a distant cousin of the one you had ten years ago. Your current approach might not fit your future nature.

There is so much that I look back on and think, “wow, if I’d only known who I’d be a year from then, I’d know why that didn’t work out.” We are always on the verge of a breakthrough or transformation, and when we’re heading a certain direction, we never know what The Universe is going to surprise us with that changes us from the ground up.

Considering that what you’re desperately attached to, the path you’re taking towards the goal that you neeeed to work out with a exasperation and pain… miiiiight not be the best option, will open up access to the ideas and possibilities that would fit who you’re becoming like a glove.

2. Impatience, escapism, and perfectionism…

They hold us back more than we know. We want to be the brightest and purest lights, the most dedicated, the most free, the most accomplished in our ideal sacred profession. We want to notice only the things that we feel good about. And it causes us to overlook a lot.

Where we are now is not an accident. What does this place have to teach us, that will help us to create a stable future that has room for all the flexibility we need as individuals, while embracing the reality of our position unconditionally? What do we participate in on a daily basis that helps us to move forward in a way that supports us as a whole?

3. Influence and Intimidation

We are surrounded by people with opinions.

This spiritual teacher says this, my friends think that, my heart wants this, my rational mind thinks I’m a cuckoo bird. What do I do?

You look at two things:

  1. What’s healthiest and most fulfilling for you long term, and…
  2. What is the most steady path to get you there without sacrificing your values.

Everyone thinks that they know what’s best for those around them, but these are merely birdsong around a tree. Feel into your depth of your roots for answers, and feel how beautiful sweet blossoms can ripen fruits at the height of your being as you focus on nourishing yourself from your center.

We are so much more than who we are in this moment. And when we embrace that the version of ourselves we see in the mirror on this day, is evolving in accordance with our sacred inner truth… we find the strength to lead ourselves in new directions. With a sense of wholeness, regal prowess, and integrity.

Be well, my fellow life-shapers.

And as always, I am here with you, Goddess to Goddess.

All my love,

Aquarian Goddess Jen